How are you?

We  hear it numerous times a day. The phrase, “how are you?” So often we say good or OK so that we don’t have to answer the series of questions that will follow. We don’t want to verbalize how we really are. I know this because I have been this person. I am this person.

We hide behind a smile and life is swirling around us. We are overwhelmed. We are anxious. We don’t want to verbalize it. We want to go about our life thinking the busyness will some how cease those feelings.

I know so many of my friends that understand this place as they too have battled this and conquered it.

It is okay to say that you aren’t ok. That your not up to discussing it further. That you aren’t dwelling there.

To get through these moments I lean on my faith and my Jesus. I am OK. I got this and so do all my other Mama friends out there who can relate to this pressure during the most chaotic time of the year. Xoxo!

Finding your why!

So many times I have been asked, what is your WHY? There are so many reasons as to why I have gotten serious with my health and fitness. The physical aspect is just a bonus.

Why have a chosen to get fit at this point and time if its not for they physical?

Working out for me is so much more than physical. It is mental, emotional and spiritual.

I have decided for many reasons this must be an important part of my life. I have two growing girls looking to me in a time where body image is such a big deal in our society.

I choose health and fitness so that I can be the mom God designed me to be and to continue to live a healthy life and show my daughters a healthy way of fitness. It is my desire that they both learn to love their bodies and not see the flaws that society may try and find.

I also choose this fit life due to the numerous health within my own family. I have endured many health issues myself. Before the age of 35 I have encountered pancreatitis, kidney stones, bladder cancer, removal of gallbladder, and most recently the removal of my appendix. Cancer has tried to grip my family with the BRCA mutations. It has shook me to the core to learn all too often of loved ones with cancer diagnosis'. I am stronger than the BRCA mutation and blessed not to pass it along to my own daughters.There is high blood pressure and heart disease in my family also.

These are many of the reasons why I strive to get healthy not just on the outside but more importantly on the inside. I have made progress. This journey is not always easy. I will succeed. To see where I have come from makes me so proud!

I encourage you to find your why!

Someone is missing

As we get closer to the holidays so does the little reminders that you are no longer here. You've been gone for 5 months. Five months ago one persons senseless actions ripped you from all of our lives but in our hearts you forever remain.

So many times I think that our lives are just so busy, that you will be there for the next Sunday dinner. That you will be there for our sister dinner. That you will be there for Thanksgiving and even for Christmas. But that is not the case.

You were such an amazing person. You were the glue for so many. And now you are in heaven with many of our other loved ones.

Thirty eight was too young to go. You still had so much to give. You taught me so much. And because of you I see a lot of things differently.

Our next sisters dinner is this month. You should be there with us. But you won't be. I thought my period of grieving was coming to an end but I am not sure it ever will completely.

There are those moments that memories trigger all the anger of the situation to rise again. But I can hear you now. Forgive. Love. And above all pray for them. Pray for them when it is hard, and you do not want to.

Anna, our sisters dinner is just not going to be the same without you. Thanksgiving will be hard on our parents as you were there for all the holidays and whenever they needed someone. Christmas won't be the same.

I am feeling very selfish tonight wishing I could go back just to have one more moment with you. One more conversation. One more memory to cherish. But that would mean taking you away from the eternity you longed for with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I will get passed this day by day. But I will never stop missing you. I cherish the day that I will get to see you again.

I miss you Anna. I miss you sister. xoxo

Breaking Free

Have you ever felt like you were trapped? Trapped inside a box but truly had no desire to break free?

That was me for most of my teen and early adult years.

I am a introvert by nature. I preferred to keep my circle small because the few friends in it got me. I could be alone. I could separate myself and it was OK.

I had compartments for everything. Home. Church. Work. School. Friends. I had expectations for each compartment. And I was sure nothing spilled over.

No matter what I did I felt like eyes were on me and nothing was ever good enough. But truth is that couldn't have been further from the truth. I was content with hiding in the shadows of others and I avoided doing anything that could draw too much attention.

When I was in my teens I found my thing. Religion. It was my safe place. The place where I thought I was accepted. I still wavered as I was not completely content. But I could use it as a mask of who I thought I needed to be.

I bounced around between different churches between 2000-2011 a lot. Searching for my place. The place where I fit in. Where I could belong. For years I thought I needed religion however what I was searching for was a relationship.

In February 2012 that when things began to shift. What started as religion began to evolve into relationship. The layers that had been building for years began to very slowly fall off. God began to place people in my path who would help break through these layers and help me discover who I was made to be. They would help me see my value and my worth.

Looking back at these past 6 years I have been at Lifesong Church I can not believe how far I have come. My first year there I attended the same Lifegroup and said only a handful of words in that time. I usually only spoke when spoken to. The following year is when things began to change.

I began a womans curriculum at our church. It was life changing.

I no longer feel the need to isolate myself. To stay in the confines of that box.

I am who God designed me to be. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. The voice that has been buried for years is emerging.

I have purpose. My future is bright. God has so many plans for me. But this path before me today may not be my path tomorrow. And that is OK.

I am a prayer warrior. I am a worshiper. I am a teacher. I am a leader. God is using me in more ways than I ever imagined.

I didn't get to this place by accident. I got here after countless prayers and allowing God to completely guide my steps.

My marriage is different. Watching my girls grow in areas God is calling them to at such a young age is so fulfilling.

I want to encourage you. Put God at the center of all you do and he will make all your dreams come true. Not in your time but in His time.

Finding Purpose & Fulfillment

John 10:10
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].


For several months now I have been feeling unfulfilled at home, at work and in ministry. I have been spending that time in prayer and listing to podcasts that are uplifting and encouraging. It helped me not to feel so defeated however I still felt a void I could not explain.


A few weeks ago while in church during worship Claire who has been battling SIBO was not feeling well at all so I was going to let my husband stay for the rest of the service and I was going to take her home. However, he insisted that I stay as he had work awaiting for him at home.


As soon as one of our pastors brought the message I knew why it was myself that had gotten to stay. God had been preparing me for this moment. The message was on purpose. Something I had been longing for.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.


At the end of the message they invited people to come forward to receive prayer from our prayer team if they desired greater purpose so that the prayer team could specifically pray with them for that.


I went forward but I didn't go up to anyone on the prayer team to help me pray. Instead I focused my time talking with God and praising him as I felt closure. I felt completeness. Never could I have imagined what would transpire.

Three different individuals came to me and prayed prophetically over me.


The first one called me a prayer warrior (something I knew as I had always been on our prayer team prior to my sister Anna passing away). He said God had called me to lay hands on people and pray specifically for healing but I just needed to accept this.


The next person praying for me was praying specifically for purpose. He went on to say that I was searching for purpose however God was already fulfilling it. And that I had the favor of God. This person did not know me and had no way to know this was something I had been praying about for months as no one did.


The final person stated that God was going to use me in Women's Ministry. That God would use what I had been through to reach other women.


These words were different than any I had ever received. During this I began to tremble uncontrollably. There was no stopping it and no questioning it. I know without a doubt this was a God moment. God had orchestrated every single element.


What was even more beautiful is just one day prior God had given me the desire to have women in my home once a month for a time of prayer, worship and fellowship. These words spoken were confirming. God is calling me into this season NOW. This is not a time to wait.


Upon arriving home I found Claire completely well. I could have allowed what was going on to be a distraction to me and what God had for me. Had I gone home I would have missed what God had for me.


I am excited for this new season God has for me and a season full of purpose.

Unwavering Faith

Unwavering Faith


Hebrews 11:1   
The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living.

I came to know Christ in my early teen years. My faith is what kept me grounded. My faith is what I leaned on through many difficult seasons. It is that foundation that has helped me through tough seasons that I have encountered as an adult. The most recent being a season of great loss. But without God I never would have made it.

But it is this unwavering faith that I have witnessed through two friends of mine that have encouraged me and blessed countless others.

My sweet friend Rebecca Nowak I met through our church, Lifesong prior to her moving to Idaho. She is a wife, mother and entreprunuer that happens to run Crunchy Mama Bear. Being a Mama running not only her own household but also her own business has always been amazing to me.

Recently, at the age of 31, Rebecca was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. My heart broke for her as she is a Mama of 3 boys. But her faith was unwavering. Friends and family rallied around her to show support. Rebecca was in the fight of her life and hit it head on. She leaned into God and counted on the endless prayers of so many who loved her!

As a family who has seen our share of cancer I know the toll this takes. It is not only hard on the one who is physically fighting it but it also hard on those who love them.

Rebecca continues to fight this courageous battle. She just had her second treatment. She inspires me. She inspires so many! People are standing in the gap for her, praying for her and doing what they can to help.

We all stand behind her and it the belief that she is going to beat this. Healing is coming. God has a purpose behind all of this. He is going to use her and her story for His kingdom.

We all love you Rebecca and are praying! Please join me in covering her in prayer. If you feel led to give financially please head on over to https://fundrazr.com/e1Nbl6?ref=fb_57QMna_ab_3UwVmtCnrF43UwVmtCnrF4.

Another amazing woman in my life is my sweet friend Trina Beese. We met when we were teens and attending the same youth group. Our lives went different directions however a few years ago we reconnected again through Lifesong Church.

Trina introduced me to her daughter Maddie. Maddie and I instantly connected as I am involved in our children’s ministry. This connection was different. It was God orchestrated. Every time she saw me it was big hugs followed by big smiles. She even had me pray for her and her sister as soon as she found out her mom was expecting. Maddie is one of those kids that loves with every thing she has. A quality that has been seen in her mom, Trina as well.

Over the summer Maddie was diagnosed with cancer. Something that shook many of us that loved her straight to the core.

What Trina did gave me so much strength. Now a mom of two little girls that she loved deeply. She put her career on hold to be there for Maddie at every possible moment.

No mother ever wants to hear a doctor utter your child has cancer. But Trina fought it head on. She got her daughter the best medical treatment possible. She spent countless hours praying and has not stopped. Those that love this family continue to cover them in prayer until the day she receives complete healing.

Trina’s strength inspires me. We never imagine this happening to us. But her faith did not waver she immediately cried out to God.

Maddie through this all continues to smiles and is full of laughter. She continues to have chemo treatments and I look forward to the day she can say that Maddie is cancer free.

Please if you are able to give consider helping to offset medical costs by visiting https://www.gofundme.com/stand-with-maddie. If not and more importantly please join us in praying for healing in Maddie and strength in Trina.

I encourage you, develop a strong relationship with Christ so that when you face the storms that life gives you, you too will stand strong and not be shaken.

Seasons

Throughout life God leads us all in different directions and different seasons. Some are quite challenging while others are very rewarding. Some are full of joy and laughter while others are full of grief and sadness. In the end God is with you every step of the way. 

These past 6 years the seasons God has carried me through have been full of so many emotions. 

A little over 6 years ago I transitioned into a new church and over time it has allowed for my family to blossom. It has brought us closer together and allowed each of us to grow spiritually in ways I never imagined!  Nothing warms this mama's heart more than to be in church with my husband and our babies. 

I spent the first year at Lifesong going through a cirriculum that molded me into who I am today.

It allowed for the necessary growth so I could become the wife and mother God called me to be. It allowed me the confidence I needed to learn to discern the voice of God. I learned to wait on Him and answer his call.Never would I have imagined that life would have taken me to this place where I am today. I am happily married, raising our two beautiful girls and serving along side some incredible people at our church.

In this pure bliss I have also encountered great sadness. We lost my step father who my girls lovingly referred to as Papa. Three years after his passing and we all still recount memories that were shared with him. We lost my Aunt Kim to a long courageous battle to cancer. She was amazing. My memories of her and the legacy she left definitely keep me going. We lost Grandma Mary who the endless stories we still share about her always bring smiles to our faces. We lost Aunt Peggy my moms best friend. Aunt Peggy treated my girls and I as if we were her own,  I will forever be thankful for the time spent with her. Then more recently we lost my step sister Anna who was one of my closest friends. Anna was like no one you have ever met. Pure heart of gold. Wise beyond her years.  Throughout all this grief God was there. He carried me. There is no way I could have survived all of that in such a short period without Him.

God has brought all the right people into my life to support and encourage me to do scary things. Never would I have imagined he would call me into our children's ministry. The smiles and hugs I get from these kids on a weekly basis is proof that God has me right where he needs me.I am excited for this next season and wherever God chooses to take me. In the end it will be just as God intended. It will be scary for my type A personality but God will make a way and send the right people at the right time.

"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD;" - PSALM 46:10